Style: Fashion Faux Pas

Despite my love for all things sartorialist, there are a few elements of my daily wardrobe that cannot be made fashionable. I must simply grin and bear it (pun very much intended). Here's the worst offender, maybe some of you recognize the offending object in it's natural form?

If not, here they are being used as both an implement of torture and fashion inhibitor:

See? Maybe I should afix some rhinestones to my grill to gussy it up...but its more likely I will 'demurely' cover my mouth with my hand when I smile or laugh, which is becoming something of a habit.